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This incident still haunts me


- By: Ruching Sinha -

Fourth night in a row, I woke up having dreams with the same question, ‘Why didn’t I do anything?’ The whole night was again shoved into weaving revenge fantasies. Being a 13-year-old, my revenge fantasies didn’t include anything more than ‘throwing chappals’ or calling him ‘Tum’ instead of ‘Aap’. I realized much later how innocent that 13-year-old child was.

The antagonist in my dreams was my father’s childhood friend, Shambhu. I discovered when I was just 13 that my vagina can also be used for inserting fingers. Once he came to my house in the absence of my parents and asked me to sit on his lap (as usual) and he forcefully started licking my lips, pressing his lips against mine and also rigorously started putting his fingers inside my vagina. I remember telling him ‘gudgudi ho rahi hai uncle’ (I am feeling ticklish, uncle) and started making other such excuses to get off his lap, but he won’t let me go. I also remember his voice asking me repeatedly ‘maza aa raha hai na ?’ (Are you enjoying?). Then he stopped after some time. He gave a smile and left by saying that it’s getting late so he will have to leave. He then said, ‘kal phir aate hai milne’ (will come tomorrow to meet you).

This time, I felt that something is wrong with his behaviour and the way he treats me. I informed my parents that day what happened. I never saw him coming to my place after that.

As he was professionally a doctor, whenever I was sick my parents always used to take me to him. He used to touch me inappropriately then also. Sexual harassment was a continuous process. It started when I was a child. I’m 24 now, I have faced harassment by many more people including women, but I had the guts or the sense to respond to these surreal acts. However, this particular incident with this person still has the potential to haunt me.

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